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THE DAILY JUPITER
 | | ADVERTISEMENT NEW FROM FFS FURNITURE WAREHOUSE A must have for all WELSH managers Only £ 349 Was £499 |  |
OFTEN IMITATED - NEVER BETTERED
| In This Issue ALSO COMING SOON... BE A PRO LEAGUE....TO REGISTER INTEREST PLEASE LEAVE THREAD ON THE BE A PRO LEAGUE PAGE | ||
| Gerbs Word |  Smart Casual Says... |  |
Issue 15 Fifa Manager News
Manchester United issue Press Release
| In light of the recent results and poor prformances by the squad, the Manchester United board have issued the following statement : |   Wayne & Coleen? |
| Whilst every effort is made to keep our players under control during the summer break, we have found it particularly difficult to keep tabs on one of our star signings. Needless to say, we will be putting Mr Rooney on a crash diet ahead of the F A Cup clash against Man City and we can only hope that this proves successful. | |
| With regard to the recent comments that League One is now a one horse race, we must question the pedigree of the particular horse known as CanCon who is putting in some very peculiar performances. Manchester United have contacted the National Gene Laboratory to ensure the manager in question is tested for any form of genetic modification. |  Is CanCon genetically modified? |
| The Manchester United board are strong believers in the notion that every Action provokes a Reaction, kind of a Ying and Yang thing. Our manager Mr Lynks received the attached postcard from a suspicious source (postmarked TESCOS!) and ever since this has been at the back of his mind. I can assure the general public that things WILL change and the Old United will be back very soon. |  |
| We also find it very distressing that we have recently been in the spotlight for our extra curricular activities! Whilst we do admit to enjoying a bit of a party, we would ask that the F A carry out a thorough investigation into allegations that the Arsenal team are taking something a wee bit stronger than Asprin! |  |
Fifa Manager Annual Outing
MORE INFO ON Jolly Boys OUTING
I NEED DEFINITE NUMBERS BY THIS SATURDAY AS HOTEL WILL GET BOOKED UP
Note from Hotel...
We have availability for the weekend of the 19th September. The price is £59 per person for 2 nights in en-suite rooms. We have a 24 hour bar, DJ with Karaoke and a free evening buffet. We require a deposit of £30 per person to secure the rooms, which is payable by credit/debit card or by cheque. We require a returnable security bond on arrival, it is £20 per person.
Also in hotel are Darts, Pool, Table football, quiz machines and a twister board on floor! Drunken Twister, wahey !
ONCE I HAVE FINAL NUMBERS I WILL BOOK THAT NUMBER OF ROOMS AND IT WILL BE UP TO EACH OF YOU TO CONTACT THE HOTEL AND PAY DEPOSITS.
C'Mon lads, you know it makes sense!
Issue 14 Fifa Manager News
CHELSEA'S GOT TALENT?
CHELSEA'S GOT TALENT?
| The Daily Jupiter has been contacted by the Sunderland manager who has uncovered what we can only describe as a rather large skeleton in the closet of the Chelsea Manager. Whilst in between jobs it is revealed that Mr Smart Casual sent an audition tape into 'Little Britains got Talent' in an attempt to showcase his talents to a worldwide audience. Although the tape was never considered for the show, we at the Daily Jupiter thought it only right that our readers knew just how much talen the Chelsea manager really does have ! Our thanks go to Crazeeeeeee Tony for this astonishing discovery. Hi readers following on from the Little Britains Got Talent audition from last year we have managed to get a sneak preview of next years audition practice session by Mr Smart Casual, this was filmed in secret!!!!! Can I just warn that people of a weak hearted disposition or those who are just about to eat their tea that this following film may disturb, cause nausea or might just make you want to chew your own arm off!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED | |
Issue 13 Fifa Manager News
HAS THE RAT, SOLD HIS LAST STORY?
| After recent reports have found the Manchester United and Chelsea Manager in the spotlight, a press release from both clubs has ensured that there will be no more leaks from either camp. Both managers denied that they had any part in the capture and detainment of the Rat (or was it a Gerbil) responsible for spreading the slanderous rumours. Lynkseffect told the Daily Jupiter that he couldn't have hoped for better news and now perhaps the Daily Jupiter will concentrate on publishing more relevant articles. |  |
Issue 12 Fifa Manager News
| Chelsea Special!!!!!!!!!!!!! Following previous news edition there has been an amazing reaction to the story from chelsea fans and we have managed to get in our possession loads of film from Mr Smart Casuals youth which may explain why his tactics and decisions are lets say ...interesting!!!!!!!!!! Mr Casual declined to respond to these videos but did respond through his agebt with these comments.... Like everyone Smart has had a past which in no way has a reflect on his decisions to manage this club, Smart has the full backing of the board and their target of promotion still remains a possibility! What we never told Mr Smart Casual is that obviously not only do we have the original copy of the video, but we also have the receipt and copy of the video he specially edited himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now could we honestly get away with publishing this 2nd vid????????? I think so, I think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have any videos of managers or even players, if so please send them in to the Daily Jupiter!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
Issue 11 Fifa Manager News
Football Fever Special Report
| MUTINY IN THE CHELSEA CAMP!!!!!!! With the board expecting to bounce back in to the prem after their horrendous display last season which resulted in relegation. This season continues to be a dissapointment with a mixture of results and the pressure now mounts on the Chelsea manager not only from the board and the fans, but as our insider reveals the players are questioning the managers tactics as well. 1 player had this to say "we have had enough, the managers an eccentric and some of his tactics just dont seem correct"! B4 the player left he handed me this tape!!!!!!!!!!!! taken from a preseason friendly!!!!! and whispered "look he doesnt even know if he can pick up the ball!" |
| The story Continues!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously the Daily Jupiter has brought you the biggest stories in the football world and we once again have news surrounding Old Trafford and in particular one very interesting person..................The Manager Mr Lynkseffect....... We once again offered the manager to put his own side of the story accross but the only comment was from his agent. Mr Lynkseffect refuses to acknowledge or deny his following participation in this video, Mr Lynkseffect feels violated and wishes for his privacy to be respected! He would like to reiterate that unlike his playing staff who are on a strict regime/ diet his participation in a drink or 2 will not have any effect on his job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again the daily jupiter wishes to say that this filming was done the following night and that why we have published another special edition |
Issue 10 Fifa Manager News
SPECIAL EDITION
| Yes its true the Lynkseffect has decided to answer some questions!! 1, Are you an alcoholic? No 2, Are you a womaniser? No 3, How do you spend your evenings? Reading, tv, xbox, etc 4, Pictures tell lies? One night out every now and then is allowed, I assure you im a very quiet, relaxed person who likes my own comforts, interview over!!!!! So that was the end with mr lynkseffect denying partying accusations. 2 hrs after meetingI went to the local bar and guess who I see, Mr lynks and Mr Gerb, ps faces could look slightly diff due to sunlight etc etc ps Lynksy is the Dancer!!!!!!!!!!! |
Issue 9 Fifa Manager News
Man Utd Manager Out Celebrating Again!
| Another dissapointing result for Man Utd last week leaves the club still without their 1st win of the season. Is it possible that Man Utd could be getting relegated for the 2nd season running? We thought we would ask these questions to yhe Man Utd manager (lynkseffect). Well we would have done if he was at the training ground with his team but as these videos will show, Mr man utd manager had other things on his mind!!!!!!!! |
Here Is What Happenned Next!!
| After the revelations of the story above in which we told the Man Utd board what we had found we decided to try and track the Man United Manager down and interview him 1 on 1 as the noard kept declining to comment on the above story!!!!! Whilst out looking around the local hang outs for celebs we were lucky to come accross Mr Lynkseffect!!! The only shock was that the Chelsea and Liverpool manager were with him!!! If you look at the video you will see all 3 having a tactics talk!!!! For anyone unsure Mr lynkseffect on front left, Mr Casual on front right and Mr Gerb sat on the backrow. Supporters please email or text in saying how you feel about your managers free time! |
Issue 8 Fifa Manager News
Has the Reaper gone too far?
| The Daily Jupiter can today reveal the sinister plans of the newly promoted "Belts the Reaper" In an attempt to raise funds for top players to cope with the step up in class next season, we have been informed that the Reaper will go to any lengths to add the Premiership title to his list of achievements. The Reaper was confident about taking the premiership trophy until he saw the level of competition in the top league, but a close friend told The Daily Jupiter that he had an idea how to deal with the situation! This now begs' the question, WHERE IS THE GERB, has PULP been replaced by a crash test dummie and what the devil has happened to FOXY? I'm sure we have not heard the last of the lengths this ambitious manager will go to to win. More Next Week. |  |
| Issue 7 Fifa Manager News SWEDEN 1 – 2 NETHERLANDS | |
| The FIFA MANAGER International European Championships got off to a flying start for the Netherlands with a 2-1 Victory over Sweden. Early on in the first half, the Netherlands executed a slick move starting from the half way line, a driven pass by Git Van Driver to Cock O Van left three Swedish defenders in a right pickle. Silky skills followed and a perfectly weighted cross found White Van Man who executed a cheeky back heel to find Camper Van Site who drove home a thunderous shot into the bottom right hand corner of the goal. Sweden could not come up with a response to the constant pressure and it was soon TWO to the Netherlands after Gassy Van der Fart dribbled through the midfield playing a one-two-three-four with Plonk Van Rouge and Cheep Van Hire. A shot which looked like going wide bluffed the Swedish keeper and left the Netherlands Manager (Can der Con) slightly embarrassed as it sneaked into the goal shaving the upright. ooooooo000000000000000000000000000000oooooooooooooo |  |
| After half time it was like a different Sweden team with the formation changing from a truly negative defensive one to all-out attack. All of a sudden, the Netherlands knew they were in a game. Sweden pressed the Dutchmen and surely enough mistakes were made, the first coming from Ice Cream Van who’s confidence betrayed him when Ljungberg took the ball from him in his own half, Holland backed off Freddie enough for him to put the ball through to Kahllstrom who blasted a shot from 30 yards leaving the Van Morrison stranded in No-Vans-Land……. Game On. |  Match Official Enjoying a Spliff which was provided (alledgedly!) by the Dutch Team |
| The Netherlands were restricted to two shots against Swedens’ eight in the second half and things could have been so much different when Ibrahimovich was felled right on the edge of the Hollands’ penalty area but the weed smoking official decided it was in his best interests to stay in favour with the Nation of tokers and waved all claims of a free kick away. It finished Sweden 1 , Netherlands 2 . The Netherlands go through to the next round and it looks like the referee’s off on a 5 Star all expenses paid holiday to Amsterdam after the tournament! Unhappy about the result, the Swedish Manager has sent a tape of the game to FifaManager Officials for adjudication and speaking after the game Lynkseffect said “This matter does not end here, OK, on the pitch the referee is the boss but I am sure the FifaManager Staff will rule any decision my way, look at the rules man… The Administrators say is final”. When asked about his involvement with the FifaManager Organisation, Lynkseffect refused to comment and went to the pub! |  LET ME BACK IN THE TOURNAMENT PLEASE ! |
Issue 6 Fifa Manager News
Issue 5 Fifa Manager News
Practice Reaps Rewards
FA CUP 1st ROUND
West Ham 7 - 0 Middlesborough
Middlesborough were dealt a savage blow in the first round of the FA Cup and were given a masterclass in finishing by a rampant West Ham. Hat-tricks from Dean Ashton and Craig Bellamy made sure the Boro fans went away wondering what went wrong.
West Ham's manager was ecstatic and was full of praise for his team, singling out Kieran Dyer as the star performer.
Talking to our reporter , Reaper Curbishley was in buoyant mood and made a promise to his fans that they would be playing Premiership football next season
The message was loud and clear West Ham are on the up!
Practice Reaps Rewards
FA CUP 1st ROUND
West Ham 7 - 0 Middlesborough
Middlesborough were dealt a savage blow in the first round of the FA Cup and were given a masterclass in finishing by a rampant West Ham. Hat-tricks from Dean Ashton and Craig Bellamy made sure the Boro fans went away wondering what went wrong.
West Ham's manager was ecstatic and was full of praise for his team, singling out Kieran Dyer as the star performer.
Talking to our reporter , Reaper Curbishley was in buoyant mood and made a promise to his fans that they would be playing Premiership football next season
The message was loud and clear West Ham are on the up!
Issue 4 Fifa Manager News
Arsenals LATE LATE SHOW
1 v1 PREMIERSHIP
Arsenal 1 v 0 Manchester United
Once again it looked like the points would be shared but Emannuel Adebayor had other ideas. _ Picking up a well weighted through ball from Fabregas, Adebayor was the meat in a Ferdinand and Vidic sandwich for all of 30 yards. _ With a powerful and skillful display, Adebayor stole a yard and drove past a despairing Van der Sar to seal a victory for Arsenal. _ Arsenals manager later confessed that he was sure it would have been another draw and he'd never been as anxious or frustrated with his players. It was later reported by Arsenals board that their manager was later admitted to hospital after experiencing severe heart palpitations. It is hoped that he will be fit enough to face Manchester City in their last match of the season.
by Lynkseffect
The second meeting between Manchester United turned out to be a controversial affair after the honours were shared in their 
first fixture with a 1 -1 draw. Chances were few and far between as both midfields refused to be broken down. Arsenal saw a handful of chances go wide, shooting from long range after numerous failed attempts to get into Uniteds' penalty area. It took until the 80th minute for gaps to appear as the players began to tire and Ronaldo seemed certain to put United in front only to be felled 
right on the edge of Arsenals' penalty area. Uniteds manager was furious after the guilty Arsenal player only received a yellow card for what seemed like a cast iron RED card. The free kick that followed almost silenced the Emirates stadium with a thunderous shot rattling the crossbar.
first fixture with a 1 -1 draw. Chances were few and far between as both midfields refused to be broken down. Arsenal saw a handful of chances go wide, shooting from long range after numerous failed attempts to get into Uniteds' penalty area. It took until the 80th minute for gaps to appear as the players began to tire and Ronaldo seemed certain to put United in front only to be felled right on the edge of Arsenals' penalty area. Uniteds manager was furious after the guilty Arsenal player only received a yellow card for what seemed like a cast iron RED card. The free kick that followed almost silenced the Emirates stadium with a thunderous shot rattling the crossbar. Once again it looked like the points would be shared but Emannuel Adebayor had other ideas. _ Picking up a well weighted through ball from Fabregas, Adebayor was the meat in a Ferdinand and Vidic sandwich for all of 30 yards. _ With a powerful and skillful display, Adebayor stole a yard and drove past a despairing Van der Sar to seal a victory for Arsenal. _ Arsenals manager later confessed that he was sure it would have been another draw and he'd never been as anxious or frustrated with his players. It was later reported by Arsenals board that their manager was later admitted to hospital after experiencing severe heart palpitations. It is hoped that he will be fit enough to face Manchester City in their last match of the season.
Issue 3 Fifa Manager News
City, City BANG BANG BANG
| FA CUP 1st ROUND Newcastle United 0 v 3 Manchester City This puts extra pressure on Newcastles' manager who quoted "The Cup loss could be a blessing in disguise and it will allow us to put all of our efforts into League one survival. With three fixtures left to play in the League we will have our work cut out but the fans expect us to play top level football and we won't disappoint them". To make matters worse for Newcastle, there could be injury worries ahead of their next game after Scott Parker was cynically challenged by Hamann . The club are awaiting the results of a scan on his right knee |  |
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Issue 2 Fifa Manager News
QUARTER FINAL FA CUP DRAW
| The first round of the FA Cup has thrown up some mouthwatering fixtures and there are sure to be some early unexpected departures following the recent decision to scrap replays and implement Extra Time and Penalties. For anyone not sure on how to do this, create a private be a pro league match with pens and extra time, and invite opponent. The First Round is a single game with the home team as shown First round ties to be played by : FRIDAY 13th JUNE | HOME PORTSMOUTH EVERTON BOLTON CHELSEA | V V V V | AWAY MANCHESTER CITY SHEFFIELD UNITED ARSENAL WEST HAM UTD |
Issue 1 Fifa Manager News
Torres Doubt for Arsenal Clash By Lynkseffect
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| Gerbando Torres to Milan? by Lynkseffect Rumours are rife around the Red half of Merseyside that Gerbando Torres may be leaving Liverpool to sign for AC Milan. Torres was seen boarding a luxury gondola earlier today destined for Italy. Liverpools manager was unavailable for comment. Could this be the beginning of the end? |  |
Lynkseffect |
Latest page update: made by Lynkseffect
, Aug 16 2008, 3:17 PM EDT
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| SmartCasual | CHELSEA MANAGER | 2 | Aug 3 2008, 9:29 AM EDT by tonycrazydemon | ||
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Thread started: Aug 3 2008, 9:04 AM EDT
Watch
Okay guys. This is getting close to bullying now. I would have thought this site would have had zero tolerance policy. I am in the process of receiving counselling and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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| FOXY666 | night out | 2 | Aug 1 2008, 10:34 AM EDT by wargerb | ||
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Thread started: Aug 1 2008, 6:26 AM EDT
Watch
bit of a tame night funny as though, LYNKSY U STOLE MY MOVES
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| Lynkseffect | Daily Jupiter | 2 | Jul 31 2008, 2:53 PM EDT by Lynkseffect | ||
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Thread started: Jul 31 2008, 2:47 PM EDT
Watch
Dear Sub-Editor
In response to the recent articles I must respond accordingly.... It wasn't me, I wasn't there, I have a double... yeah, a double I telly ya, I'm being set up. ARRGGHH the voices, the voices, leave me alone, Aaarrrrrggghhhhh Hic ! |
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