2nd August 2008

Hello everybody peeps. I just thought it was time that i responded to several articles that have been published recently regarding the activities of certain League Managers. While I concede that I am a closet Sci-Fi fan, i feel it was unecessary to publish private footage of myself when i was younger, and I am currently seeking an injunction to stop any further footage being shown. However i would also like to take the opportunity to clear up a slight mistruth. In the second video it has been stated that i used special effects to touch up the double neded lightsabre. This is totally untrue. I have owned my own lightsabre for many years and after attending Jedischool for a short period of time I now have a full set of Jedi powers and use the force on a regular basis. I have attatched a small video of the school i used to attend for your reference although it as you can see it closed shortly afterwards due to reasons that become apparent.


Whilst i am in the mood for adding videos a certain video came into my posession today. It features a certain manager who shall remain nameless but is of a rodent persuasion. The footage was taken approximately two weeks ago when a certain rodents laptop became inoperable. I will leave you to make your own conclusions but you can understand why he was in such a mood for a few days that week.

I apologise for the brief entry today but I felt i should speak up for myself. Jog on, hugs and stuff, SC

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13th July 2008

Hi there. Remember me? It has been to long i know. I thought it was about time I gave you a glimpse of my little world and try and win another power marble. As some of you may have realised I am a strange individual, with a strange, nay weird, sense of humour and varied tastes in many things, so I thought it was about time I shared them with you in the form of “Things you………..before you die” Some will be a tad adult based (not porn) so be aware that any links should only be opened by adults!!!!! Right then, are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.

Ten albums you should listen to before you die (Cheery thought No 1).

1. Prodigy ….. The Prodigy Experience
2. Prince ….. Purple Rain
3. Enigma ….. MCMXCAD
4. Jeff Wayne ….. War of the Worlds
5. Chemical Brothers ….. Dig your own hole
6. The Avalanches ….. Since I left you
7. Moby ….. Play
8. Simon and Garfunkel ….Greatest Hits (1972)
9. Fat Boy Slim …... You’ve come a long way baby
10. Innocence …..Belief

Albums that didn’t quite make it….Eminem… Marshall Mathers / David Gray … White Ladder / Bjork … Debut / Roni Size … New Forms and of course Hanson by the Hansons. There was also an argument with the Wife for a good half hour regarding “Cliff Richard Rocks On” which luckily I won!
Ten Cartoons you should see before you die ( Cheery thought No 2)

1. Johnny Bravo
2. Danger Mouse
3. Hong Kong Phooey
4. Tom & Jerry
5. Ren and Stimpy (first two series only)
6. Arabian Knights
7. Hair Bear Bunch
8. Willow the Wisp
9. Super Ted
10. Trapdoor ( I know its claymation before you shout at me)

Ten Films you should see before you die ( Cheery thought etc…)

1. Akira
2. Ong Bak
3. Alien
4. Cheech and Chongs’ Up in smoke
5. The Thing (1982 & 1951)
6. The Day The Earth Stood Still
7. The Man Who Would Be King
8. Napoleon Dynamite
9. BladeRunner
10. Monty Python And The Holy Grail

Unfortunately I had to omit a few classics like “Rosemary Conleys Fat burners workout” , “Grease 2” and that masterpiece of cinema “Police Academy 7”

Now we can move onto the wonderful world of the intraweb …………….. Five Websites to see etc…….

1. www.b3ta.com It is worth signing up for the newsletter as it searches the net for close to the knuckle content
2. www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com Self explanatory
3. www.visualparadox.com An outstanding wallpaper site
4. www.weebls-stuff.com My kind of humour. Check out Weebl and Bobs cartoon series
5. www.fhm.com Also self explanatory but also has breasts

I give you 5 youtube videos that must be seen. Bear in mind that some of these will contain foul language so adults only!!!!! Number 1 is part of a series that really must be seen. I have used episode number 41. Numbers 2,3 and 4 are self explanatory and number 5 is a bit of self indulgence on my behalf, containing two amazingly handsome looking young men with an immense talent for percussion. Okay you got me, they are my grandchildren but if you have moderators rights you may as well abuse them!!!!!

1. 2

3 4

5

Right then i am gonna make like a banana, and will return soon with important issues to resolve like... What is the best buscuit? And the top 5 chocolate bars, so until then TTFN Hugs and stuff SC

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20th June 2008
Well howdy doody footballing dudes! How are we all, good i hope? Not only do i have a lavalamp but the mighty Lynksy has given me a power marble. I'm not sure what it does but it sounds impressive. Anyway today i will mainly be talking about football games and concentrating on FIFA in particular. At this juncture i would like to point out that i will not be talking about PES in any way, shape or form. If you wanna talk about PES then you are in completely the wrong place because its rubbish!!!!!

Right then lets get started. The first computer footy game i can actually think of was the extra game on Pong. You must remember Pong, two bats, one ball, black and white screen etc. When Binatone released there Pong version it also came with a squash game and a footy game. It was basic but it was all we had "back in the day". Pong originally started as a game on the oscilloscope back in 1958 and was called "tennis for two" but Atari picked up the concept in the early 70's and created one of the first video games. It was only as it became mainstream in the mid 70's that football was released with squash as mentioned before. This was about as good as it got with football games for a few years until the advent of 8 bit machines like the Commodore 64 and the mighty Spectrum. I actually still own a "Speccie" and it rocks!!!
It was about this time that things really got moving with the release of Microprose Soccer in 1988. This was my first footy game and it was a revelation. It was the first football game to allow aftertouch so you could swerve the ball, and it was also the first to include different weather. The other claim to fame that Microprose soccer had, was that it was the forerunner to "Sensible soccer" which you can still get and is available on the Xbox live arcade. Sensi as it is affectionatel known was released in 1992, and be honest i didn't actually like sensible soccer that much due to the control system it used, but it still has a massive fanbase, its just not my bag baby.

As you can see from these screenshots of Microprose and Sensi, both were played using a top down view, with Sensi actually using a "birds eye view" or to the layman "a bit further away". This is where the Mighty FIFA comes into the frame.

In 1993 EA decided to release a football game for the 16 bit age. Having already ventured into the NFL market with John Maddens they released "FIFA International Soccer". This was a revelation because it was actually played via an isometric view (sort of sidey/toppy view). Unfortunately it only included International teams and the players names weren't the real ones, however it appeared on the market in Christmas 1993 and was an instant hit. While i was researching this i found that the tag line for the game was "FIFA has it all.....Experience sheer brilliance" Nothing like blowing your own trumpet. Also there was a bug that allows the player to score directly from an opposing goal kick by standing in front of the goalkeeper so that the ball rebounds off him into the net, but it was football none the less.
Now i could give you info on all the FIFA's one by one, year by year, but i figured the best way is to give you the important facts and general history (insert yawn here). In 1995 club teams were include from eight different countries though it still used the same game engine, but it wasn't until 1996 that they purchased the license from FIFA so they could use real player names. (Stick that in your pipe PES) Not only that but the 96 version was the first one to use real time 3D graphics and included transfers and rankings. Moving onto FIFA 97 we get polygonal characters with motion capture supplied by the one and only David Ginola, but the 32 bit versions PSX etc were evidently very sluggish.
FIFA 98 "The road to the world cup" gave us a licensed sound track including Song 2 by Blur and was a massive improvement on 97 although it was the last to be released on 16 bit consoles such as the Megadrive. FIFA 99 improved graphically and even gave the players facial expressions and accurate player heights.
FIFA 2000 evidently was a bit of a down turn with an arcadey feel which let down the long term fans and caused a minor migration to the new kid on the block "International Superstar Soccer" but this was soon turned around with a return to the simulation type feel in 2001 with a new graphics engine to polish things up and a power bar for your shots..
Things pretty much remained static until 2005 when one touch was introduced giving you the chance to perform tricks etc and also include real crowd noises and chants. Then came FIFA 2006 which had over half the code rewritten to give you team chemistry and the like.

After this we are pretty much up to date with only 07 and 08 left, and we all know about those. All in all there has been a massive market for football games and FIFA are right there at the top of the pile. Although this is a football game history there are a few games i have missed so i will give them a quick honourable mention now...........Actua Soccer, Kick Off, and my favourite which is barely remembered which is "Three Lions" (bloody hard to score though) As a final farewell today i will leave you with some screen shots of FIFA through the ages and i look forward to chatting absolute rubbish at you again soon. TTFN SC



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7th June 2008

Hello fellow FIFA'ers. Do you like my new lavalamp. It comes courtesy of the Lynks. Thankyou very glad oh mighty Lynksmeister! I thought it was about time i did my favourite thing, and that is to bore you stupid with some not to interesting facts, that you may or may not know, or possibly care about. Todays subject is the footy teams that we lovingly support week in and week out.

1: Manchester United began life as Newton Heath L & YR in 1878 when a group of workers from the Lancashire & Yorkshire Railways formed a football team. It nearly became bankrupt in 1902 but was saved by a dude from Manchester Breweries and after names like Manchester Central and Manchester Celtic eventually settled on Machester United. The rest is history.
2: Manchester City actually started life as St Marks in 1880. In 1887 they became Ardwick AFC and then due to money problems in 1883 they reformed again as Pulps beloved Manchester City
3: Arsenal were founded as Dial Square in 1886 by workers at the Royal Arsenal in Woolwich, but were renamed Royal Arsenal shortly afterwards. They renamed themselves again to Woolwich Arsenal after turning professional in 1891. They also became bankrupt in 1910 due to low attendance figures, so moved to Highbury in 1913 and never looked back. Bloody gooners.
4: Tottenham started in 1882 as the Hotspur Football Club and was formed by grammar school boys from the bible class at All Hallows Church. They were also members of Hotspur Cricket Club and it is thought that the name Hotspur was associated with Sir Henry Percy who was "Harry Hotspur" of Shakespeare's Henry IV, part 1, and who lived locally during in the 14th century and whose descendants owned land in the neighbourhood. In 1884 the club was renamed Tottenham Hotspur Football and Athletic Club to distinguish itself from another team called London Hotspur.
5: Sunderland A.F.C. was founded by Glaswegian school-teacher James Allan in 1879, to provide "recreational amusement" for the area's schoolteachers, under the name of 'Sunderland & District Teachers Association'. In 1881, in order to relax financial troubles, the name was changed to Sunderland Association Football Club and non-teachers were allowed to join.

Right then, now for a few obscure factoids for your perusal.

1: The only professional British football club with a 'J' in it's name is St Johnstone FC, known to many as "The super 'J's"
2: Crystal Palace FC are the only league football club in England whose name begins with five consonants.
3: The penalty kick was introduced to the game in 1891, having been proposed by William Crum of County Armagh.
4: Referees can expect to run up to eight miles during a single football match.
5: Football referees originally signalled decisions by waving a handkerchief.
6: Chelsea striker Didier Drogba has a beer named after him in his native Ivory Coast.
7: Villa mascot Hercules the lion was once sacked for pawing Miss Aston Villa.
8: Gary Lineker's final-year school report told him he needed to devote less time to sport if he wanted to become a success. (Some would say he was right)
9: The arch at the new Wembley Stadium weighs the same as ten jumbo jets.
10: This is my personal favourite. In 2005, Coventry City defender Andrew Whing managed to pull a hamstring whilst eating lasagne.

Thats about it for now, but let me assure you that there is a veritable plethora of these yet to come. Hope you enjoyed them and i will speak to you all soon. Hugs and stuff, SC





31st May 2008

Well hello everybody. Me again. Just as i had my place all done out they have moved me into this new room. No problem though i have brought my lavalamps and throws with me so we will have it looking ship shape in no time. Firstly i would like to welcome our new writer "Old Lemming" to the fold. I am looking forward to the relaxed atmosphere in his new "lounge"
Right then, today i thought it was time we had a good look round the game that brought us all here, that is FIFA08. Whilst playing with a member (teehee) the other night it was pointed out that some of the players within the leagues really should be mentioned, so here goes.

The French league is a veritable cornucopia of weird and wonderful names. Lets start with a couple of obvious ones, Lyon with there multinational team of stars actually have two players called Fred and Kris. The thing that makes me laugh about Fred is the fact that he hails from the land that gave us Pele, Ronaldo, Ronaldhino and the like. His parents must have had a serious lack of imagination. Now we move onto Marseille who have a player after my own heart, the fantastically monikered "Faty", now thats a name! Staying with the our Garlic eating, bike riding, beret wearing (no stereotypes here) friends, Valencienne have a player called "Coque" and Renne have a player called "Fanni" Now that could cause a serious problem at the back. Also in the land of the frog is Bordeaux, they have the best named goalkeeper of all time. Ladies and Gentlemen i give you the awsomely titled " Dropsy". How cool is that? Not only do they have "Dropsy" in goal they have a guy called "Planus" in the outfield. I don't know about you but it sounds like a really nasty torture technique to me. Finishing off the First division is a player that Foxy666 and I want on our team, yep you guessed it "Bong". Quality!!!!!!!! I just want to give a quick mention to a couple of players who didn't make the Snail eaters guide to football and they are...... Titi Buengo....Boutabout.... another Faty.... Police.... Jacuzzi and the very long Randrianatoanina.

Moving East, we happen upon the Sausage eating, beer festival lovers in Germany . For some reason there are a few Fussballers in the Fatherland that have names that relate to the male appendage. Karlkruher have a player called "Dick", MSV Duisburg have a "Willi" and ALS Aachen have the mighty "Pecka". Moving away from slang terms for the tallywhacker, (couldn't find a player called tallywhacker which was a shame) Karlskruher have a guy called "Eggiman", VFL Bochum have "Fuchs" and "Imhof" which made me giggle, and VFL Osnabruck have a player that endears himself to us all with the superb title of "Beer". Finally in our round up we have the Hannover 69 goalkeeper intriguingly called " Golz".

Thats it for todays round up of players, but drop in again soon, as i intend to move around the world scouting for new talent from teams like the Kaizercheifs, Grasshoppers, BSC Youngboys, Gais (yes it is pronounced gays) and my favourite team of the day FC Superfund. I hope you enjoyed yourself, i am off to see if Lemming needs any interior design tips or wants to borrow a beanbag or two. TTFN

PS. What the flaming hell is that on my head?





22nd May 2008 (Match night)
It was a warm and sticky May night. There had been a light drizzle descending on Stamford bridge all day creating a slick passing pitch. The crowd were fidgety and nervous, realising that tonight was the first time that the world would see the mighty Smart Casual take to the pitch in his first competitive match. Meanwhile in the tunnel Casual and his mighty adversary Old Lemming eyed each other up, Casual trying to look super confident while trying to hide the obvious fear that lurked within him, while Old Lemming stood statuesque, assured that his footballing skills would take him to the ultimate prize, 3 points.
As they took to the pitch the crowds noise rose until finally reaching a crescendo never before heard within the capital. They took their places in line, ready for their national anthem, a moment that instills pride and an air of invicibilty within any patriotic man. After a moments pause for the crowd to settle, the National Anthem started. Smart Casual took a deep breath and felt his inner being relax but also steel itself for the battle that lay ahead. Lemming was still the picture of calmness as the anthem ended and looked almost serene as glanced across at his opponent. They applauded the crowd in unison then slowly and assuredly, made their way to the centre circle where they stood and face each other for the first time, ready for the battle that lay ahead. The referee raised his whistle to his lips and the match was on. The entire crowd simultaneously got to its feet as Casual passed the ball for the first time this season...........................He then ran around alot, gave the ball away on numerous occasions, realised he couldnt hit a barn door from point blank range and lost 1-0. Oh well!!

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20th May 2008
Howdy doody chaps and Lady chaps. I thought i would pop in and make another introduction. Today we will be concentrating on the legend and superhero that is "Pulpjohnfiction".
As you can tell by my opening paragraph, John is no ordinary individual. John is in fact a real life superhero. You know what i mean, fights crime, saves the world that kind of thing. He comes from a long line of superheroes and takes his job very seriously. The only problem John and his close friends have is that their superhero names lack a touch of imagination. Due to reason that are to complicated to go into now, all there crimefighting names consist of their real name being put in the middle of a film title. You know what i mean..usually they are called "Batman", "Spiderman", "Superman" etc... but in Johns world it is slightly different. His sidekick (all superheroes have to have a sidekick) goes by the name "Killbillbill" and his best friend goes by the pseudonym of "Starericwars" They have found this a bit of a problem when trying to save the world from an evil megolomaniac, due to the fact that there real name is written on the front of their body hugging tights, pants and cape combo. Can you imagine trying to keep your identity secret when you have your first name neatly embroidered on your chest. As for Johns footballing skills again i am not sure, but i can see our FA chalking up a win for the superhero as we speak.

While i have your attention i thought i would indulge myself. I want to talk about adverts. Is it just me or is that Fox/man thing from the "Foxybingo" advert a little bit scary? I will answer that for you, YES!! bloody scary. He is not the only one. The chocolate man on the Lynx advert is another one. Scary man! On a slight different tack, have you seen the advert for "Nivea Visage Oxygen Face Cream"? They are now charging women extra money for putting air in something. Guess what? Air is Free!!!!!!! I just checked the website out, and part of the opening address is "OXYGEN IS NATURES GIFT" So that makes it free then you robbing SOB's

Thats it for today, rant over. I am off to shake and vac TTFN

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17th May 2008
Me again. Do you like what i have done with the place? Its amazing what you can do with a few scatter cushions and a couple of throws. Anyway....Football. Firstly well done Pompey on the victory today. I can honestly say that was the most boring match i have seen for a long time, and lets be honest i have been involved in some really boring matches. Now that the premier league is up and running i thought i would give you some predictions.

1: Most losses in the season-- I feel that this award will be won easily by yours truly.
2: Most goals conceded in the season -- On careful reflection that should be mine again.
3: Most matches without scoring -- I had to think long and hard about this one and i feel that the number one contender for this title will be..........Yep, me
4: Most likely to be relegated -- This ties in nicely with 1,2 and 3, and after mulling it over i think i have that one in my trophy cabinet already.

Thats the predictions done, how about another introduction to one of the Premier league stars. Ladies and mentalmen i give you "Old Lemming". Old lemming, or to his friends "Old lemming" is a bit of an enigma. Not only does he come from the same Animal order as the Wargerb (Rodentia, in case you wondered, which you probably didn't, also lemmings are from the Artic Circle and Gerbs are found Africa and Asia which means they probably haven't met) Old Lemming is the only Lemming known to suffer from vertigo. This is a setback if you are supposed to do lemmingy things, like jump off cliffs etc... So every year during suicide season, Old lemming joins us for a game of football and avoids all the name calling and ridicule from the other lemmings. I can't actually comment on his footballings skillls yet as we haven't met, but i look forward to giving him an easy 3 points when we finally do battle.

That is it for now but tune in soon for more introductions and predictions. I am off to get a lavalamp so i will see you all soon. TTFN

NB. I know Lemmings don't actually commit mass suicide, so stay away from the "start thread" option below.

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15th May 2008
Hi there footballing geniuses. They call me Smart Casual and i am here for your reading pleasure. Firstly let me clear up the oxymoron of a name. I am neither Smart or Casual, but due to circumstances beyond my control thats the moniker i ended up with. To be honest i would have gone for something like "Mark the Destroyer" or "The Annihalator" but hey, buggers can't be choosers.

Right then, onto football..... I was going to make predictions for the season at this point but have not managed to see anybody play yet, so instead i will give you an outline of some of the players i do know.

Lets start with the inimitable "WarGerb" This man has many strings to his footballing bow but one thing is for sure, this man is deadly in front of goal. Do not let this man within 18 yards of your goal or you will hear the phrase "Feed the Gerb" ringing in your ears because quite simply, HE WILL SCORE!

Now we will move onto the man they call the Lynkseffect. Lynksy, as we affectionately call him, is probably one of the best "any players" on the circuit. He is always in the right place at the right time and this makes him a formidable opponent, but also a great team player if he is on your team.

Now for me...I am sure some of you may have experienced my footballing skills within the realms of FIFA08. I am the fat guy, usually on the wing, dodgy brummy accent and a master in the art of the unrecognisable pass. This may sound like a recipe for an easy victory for my opponent but never underestimate the power of the unrecognisable pass.

Thats it for now, but don't forget to check in for match reports, player ratings and the odd rant from yours truly, TTFN